Active listening is not just about hearing words, but about truly understanding the other person, their emotions, and their point of view. Popularized by psychologist Carl Rogers, this skill is essential for improving our personal and professional relationships. Let's discover the fundamental principles, common obstacles, and ways to practice genuine and effective listening on a daily basis.
What is Active Listening?
Active listening is listening with attention, empathy, and intention. That means:
- Focus fully on what the interlocutor is saying, without interruption.
- Show that you understand your emotions and needs, beyond the words you say.
- Show that you understand your emotions and needs, beyond the words you say.
example : If a colleague tells you “I feel overwhelmed by this task”, an active listening response would be: “I understand that this task seems difficult for you right now. What exactly is blocking you?”
The 4 Key Principles of Active Listening
- The unconditional welcome
Welcome the other person's words without judgment, giving them the space to express themselves freely.
“I'm here to listen to you, take your time.” - Empathic understanding
Try to feel what the other person is going through. This requires paying attention to words, tone of voice, and body language.“I hear you're sad about this situation, I'm sorry you're going through this.” - The reformulation
Rephrase what your interlocutor is saying to show that you understood, while giving them the opportunity to specify what they are saying.“As I understand it, are you feeling frustrated because you lack support?” - Authenticity
Remain sincere in your listening. The interlocutor perceives when your attention is superficial or feigned.
The Essential Attitudes of Active Listening
- Full presence : Put down your distractions (telephone, personal thoughts) to be fully present.
- Open posture : Adopt positive body language (caring look, nod).
- Patience : Give the other person time to express themselves without interruption.
- Sincere empathy : Recognize the emotions of the other without immediately seeking solutions.
What Prevents Active Listening
Despite our good intentions, there are some obstacles that can get in the way of active listening:
- Distractions : Using the telephone or a noisy environment reduces our concentration.
- Precipitation : Wanting to answer too quickly or to give advice cuts off speech and blocks the exchange.
- Judgments : Interpreting or criticizing the words prevents the other person from feeling understood.
- Personal emotions : Being absorbed in your own worries can make it difficult to fully listen.
tip : When you notice these obstacles, take a deep breath, refocus, and remember the importance of listening fully.
How to practice Active Listening on a daily basis?
- Create a supportive environment : Choose a quiet location where you can listen without distractions.
- Ask open-ended questions : Encourage your interlocutor to express themselves more:
- “How do you feel about this situation?”
- Rephrase regularly : Verify that you have understood correctly:
- “If I'm good with you, do you mean that...?”
- Show empathy : Identify and verbalize perceived emotions:
- “You seem to be really concerned about this problem, I understand that it is difficult.”
- Avoid giving immediate solutions : Sometimes the other person just needs to be listened to, not advised.
Practicing active listening means offering the other person a space where they feel heard, understood and valued. By integrating these principles and attitudes into your daily life, you will not only strengthen your relationships, but also your ability to communicate in an authentic way. The key to a profound exchange? Listen to understand, not to respond.
